


The Pointed Horn

by Ruunkur



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: M/M, Modern AU, farmer au, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:35:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24798556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruunkur/pseuds/Ruunkur
Summary: Felix is a farmer.Claude is a lawyer.They throw a party. (Really, it's one of the four annual work parties Claude and the other three lawyers throw)
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Claude von Riegan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	The Pointed Horn

"Claude."

The man looked up as Hilda placed one hand on his desk, the other perched on her hip. She gave him a look, Claude tilting his head in response.

"Claude."

He sighed, shutting the file he had been looking at. "Hilda."

"Claude."

"Hilda."

"Claude."

"Hilda."

They stared each other down for five more seconds before Hilda broke, placing her second hand on the desk and leaning as close as she could to him.

"How do you still have cheese?"

Claude blinked at her, frowning. "I'm... sorry? You can go to any store and pick up cheese-"

"No! Not just _any_ cheese, Claude. How do you have the Pointed Horn's cheese? The market's been sold out for weeks now. No one's been able to get any. It's not in season. How did you get some?"

Claude sighed, running a hand through his hair. He considered Hilda before him, tapping a hand on the file. "You really are interrupting my very important prep work before a hearing to ask me about cheese?"

"Yes, I am asking you about cheese! You brought in cheese, from the Pointed Horn. They've been out of cheese at the market and it's not in season. How do you have cheese?"

Claude sighed, opening the file back up as Hilda stared him down. "My fiance had some in the fridge and I asked if I could take it to work. I know how crazy you all are over that cheese. The fiance wasn't going to-"

"How could your fiance _not_ use that cheese? That is the highest quality goat cheese one can get and the markets only carry it seasonally. Tell me your cheese secrets, Claude."

"You don't even like cheese," Claude frowned. He glanced back down at the file on his desk before he looked up. "What's so great about the Pointed Horn's cheese?"

"It's high quality goat cheese. There is a difference from your every day average cheese. You brought in _brie_ , Claude. That is my favorite cheese. You brought in an entire _wheel_ of goat brie cheese from the best damn goat dairy in the country. Do you not know how jealous I am right now?"

Claude stared at her. "It's just cheese. God, if you want your own wheel of brie cheese, I'm sure we have an extra one in the freez-"

"It's high quality!" Hilda whined, "and that high quality from a goat dairy that's only a few years old! Plus, goats are adorable!"

Claude shook his head. "Again, it's just cheese, Hilda. I'll talk to Fe, see if he'll let me bring in more cheese. Gods, if I knew it would be so popular, I would have sold it."

"You can't _resell_ the Pointed Horn's cheese, Claude! Oh my god. And wheels? Wheels of cheese are expensive."

"Some are, some aren't. And I won't resell it, you can have it." Claude rolled his eyes. "Fe has too much cheese as it is. We don't mind giving some of it away."

"How do you buy too much cheese?" Hilda demanded, her voice rising in pitch. Claude glanced past her to his office door, watching as his receptionist turned to look at him, a frown on his face. He shook his head, turning back to his partner.

"Hilda, we have too much cheese. Do you want a wheel of it or not? I don't have to bring any in."

Hilda let out a huff, brushing hair out of her face. "Yes, I would like a wheel... or three. For, you know, my upcoming party." She flashed him a smile, Claude rolling his eyes.

"You can get one wheel. One. And you had your party in December. Back off, it's my turn for a party."

Hilda huffed, standing up straight and crossing her arms over her chest. "Okay, fine. I'll take a wheel. Just, bring me whatever you have extra of, I guess? And speaking of, that's supposed to be soon. Are you hosting it at your apartment again? Wait, didn't you move in with your fiance? Claude, where are you having your party at?"

"Mmm, I'll see what I can do. Now, do you mind if I like, actually get back to work?" Claude asked, gesturing to his file. Hilda blinked at him, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

"Fine, fine. I have work to be doing too, ugh. Why did you have to remind me?"

Claude rolled his eyes. "Why did you become a lawyer?"

"Because I'm good at arguing, duh." She waved her fingers at him, a smirk on his face. "I'll text you to remember the cheese tomorrow, okay?"

Claude rolled his eyes but nodded. "It will have to be Wednesday, I'm not coming in tomorrow. Plans with the fiance and his family, you know."

"And when will we get to meet this mysterious fiance of yours, Claude? We know a name, one name. And that he likes swords."

Claude winked at her. "He does like impressive swords, too."

"You're the worst."

"Love you too!"

Hilda blew him a kiss, walking past his door and into the main floor. He watched as his receptionist frowned, getting up from his chair and walking to the door.

"You'll want to leave in ten minutes if you don't want to be late for court."

Claude nodded, glancing down at his file. He let out a sigh, dragging a hand over his face. "Got it. I'll drop off the files after court and then I'll see you Wednesday. Will you be good?"

Ignatz nodded, smiling at him. "If anyone calls, I'll schedule them for Thursday. Good luck!"

"Thanks, Ignatz." Claude tucked the file under his arm, humming as he headed to court.

***

"God damn it."

Felix slammed the bucket onto the counter, turning to stare at the kid in question. It flicked an ear at him, letting out a small bleat before Felix sighed, running a hand through his loose hair.

"Well, at least you aren't in danger of dying from your mom rejecting you. Damn it, Ingrid is the worst mom. Always rejecting her kids..."

"Really, Felix?"

Ingrid looked at him, Felix meeting her gaze. He moved to pick up the alpine in question, the kid making another bleat before it accepted the bottle Felix had prepared.

"I also have a buck named Sylvain."

"And who's the father of this one?" Ingrid asked, walking up to the goat.

Felix shot her a look. "Lester, but I also have one named Boar."

"So creative, Felix."

He rolled his eyes, adjusting the kid and studying it. "This one is gonna get banded and de-budded and sent to a new home. Once I'm certain he won't keel over."

"Who are you selling him to?"

Felix shifted, glancing at her. "You know how dad keeps asking about kids?"

"Felix, you aren't."

"Felix, I am."

Ingrid stared at him. "The poor kids."

"I'm going to get them back, as long as he stops asking me."

"Felix..."

"Come now, Felix, you raise kids every season. When will you have a human child of your own?" Felix rolled his eyes. "A human child is not much different from a goat, Felix. Perhaps you could even look at adopting?"

Ingrid snorted, rolling her eyes. "Between you and Claude, you would never have time to raise a kid."

"Thank you! He doesn't understand that. But little Jasper here is going to show my father just how hard being a kid can be."

Jasper screamed in protest as Felix pulled the bottle away, shifting his grip before putting him on the floor. He knelt down, holding the bottle up to see how Jasper did.

"Awww, is Jasper finally feeling better?"

Felix glanced over his shoulder, smiling at Claude. "We're taking my van tomorrow to see dad."

"Uh... what are you unleashing on the poor man?" Claude asked, stepping into the room and frowning as Ingrid met his gaze.

"Please, talk him out of it. I have some goats to feed, I'll be back."

Felix rolled his eyes as Ingrid brushed past him, standing back up and wiping his free hand on his pants. Jasper bleated again, following the bottle happily as Felix made sure to still keep it low enough for him.

"I am taking Jasper and another kid on a trip to my father's."

"Felix, no, you cannot drop the kids off at your father's. He'll hurt them."

Felix scoffed. "He raised two human children just fine. He can handle a pair of goats for three days."

"Felix..."

"Do you have tomorrow off?" Felix asked, meeting Claude's gaze. "We're going to have to go back on Friday to pick them up."

Claude let out a sigh but nodded. "Yeah, yeah. Hey, do you mind if I take some of your extra cheese to work Wednesday? If you let me, I won't try and pretend to change your mind about the kids."

Felix shrugged. "It's all back stock. I could probably take it to the market and sell it, but do what you want with it."

"Man, Hilda would be over the moon if she knew who you were." Claude leaned over, kissing Felix's cheek as the man rolled his eyes.

"Do you want to do your annual party here? We have the space."

Claude blinked at him, frowning. "You sure about that?"

Felix scoffed. "Of course I'm sure. If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't be offering. Look, I know you just... moved in and are still adjusting, so you don't have to if you don't want to. I would have to stay behind anyway to do evening milking, but this way, I can at least sneak out in the middle of the party but still be present for most of it, I guess."

"Wow, you're willingly staying for a whole party?"

"You are not cramming your entire firm into an apartment that you no longer rent."

Claude opened his mouth, shutting it and narrowing his eyes. The season bashes were his idea and the top four lawyers switched off between who hosted. Claude usually got spring. "You aren't worried about any of the goats going into labor? Or your apprentices being an issue?"

Felix let out a sigh. "That's the other reason I wouldn't be able to go. Gloria's close. And you have two weeks to prepare for this party. And no, they won't be an issue. As long as they can have fun as well."

"I thought you didn't want many people knowing the mystery behind the Pointed Horn?"

Felix fixed him with a stare. "What, are you afraid people will find out that the big, fancy lawyer is marrying a farmer?"

Claude laughed, startled by the hurt in Felix's gaze. "No, it's not that at all. I would tell them a hundred times over, but you always preferred your privacy. Even when people buy kids from you."

"Okay, never say it like that again unless you add the word goat in there." Felix fixed him with a stare. "I don't mind if you tell them, but they don't get to badger my doorstep for cheese."

"Got it."

"Now, other than Jasper, who should we take to my father's?"

***

Rodrigue blinked in confusion at the knock on this door. When he glanced at his clock, he double checked the time. It was early, eight in the morning. He wasn't expecting anyone, not that he knew of, not until later that night.

He set his coffee down on the table, getting up and heading to his front door.

He put his hand on the doorknob, frowning as he opened it.

Felix smiled at his father, releasing the hold he had on the collars of the two goats as they rushed inside, Rodrigue staring at his son.

"They take cow's milk with supplement, you have to bottle feed them three times a day. I haven't diaper trained them, but maybe you can do that. I'll be back later." Felix set the bucket of supplies on the ground, reaching out to take the doorknob on his side.

"Felix, what-"

"You said you wanted grand kids, dad. There you go. Grand kids."

Felix shut the door, Rodrigue staring at it before he heard a crash, turning to the table to see that one of the goats had jumped up and knocked his coffee cup over. He let out a low, long suffering sigh, wishing he had never set it down.

***

"Claude."

Claude sighed as Hilda brushed into his office, running a hand over his face. The party was the next day, Felix working on mucking out the barn and making sure his end of the property was neat and proper, even if it did contain a muck pile that he kept to make into fertilizer.

And then put said fertilizer on the garden.

"Hilda."

"You moved an hour out of the city?"

Claude nodded, looking up at her. "It's been nice."

"Why did you move an hour out of the city?"

Claude sighed, resting his elbow on the desk. "Well, it was for my fiance, actually. He already lived out of town, so I just moved in with him. It was easier than him moving in with me. That's his address, you know."

"Will we be able to spend the night?"

Claude nodded. "Yeah, there's going to be some other people over as well, just a head's up. My fiance's apprentices."

"So, we'll get to meet the mysterious Felix and he has apprentices? What does he do?"

"He does some metal work and has a farm, actually." Claude shifted in his seat. "So, did you like the wheel I brought you?"

"The Gouda is my favorite! Thank you so much for bringing me a wheel. And it was five pounds! Usually, you can only get them in two pound wheels and smaller wedges. How did you manage to get a five pound wheel?" Hilda asked, batting her eyelashes at him.

"I told you, my fiance. Who you'll meet."

"Does he really do metal work?"

"Oh man, the guy has an entire forge set up so he can make himself impressive swords. It's almost funny if he wasn't so damn good at it." Claude smiled, Hilda smirking at him.

"So he's all big and beefy, like Raphael?"

Claude snorted. "Nope, nothing like our fellow attorney. Felix is a sword master. He has the build of a dancer and he's just so gorgeous."

Hilda nodded, letting out a sigh. "Fine, fine. We'll get to meet him tomorrow. You have a good day." She winked at him, turning and leaving the office. Claude let his shoulders slump, tilting his head backwards.

***

"That... is a lot of people." Felix crossed his arms over his chest as he looked at the driveway from the milking parlor, Jessie giving him a snort.

"That's all for Claude's party?" the intern asked, turning to look at Felix. "I did not take you for a party type of guy."

Felix let out a sigh. "I suppose it's a good thing that we don't have any wwooofers at the moment, it means they can crash in the extra cabins if needed. You and Paul plan on coming to the party, right?"

Jessie looked down at herself. "Once I change. I don't know know if I settle well with lawyer types."

"Avoid the girl with the pink hair, trust me." Felix turned to let the next round of goats into the parlor, walking them up to the milking stanchion. Paul and Ingrid were taking care of the feeding while he and Jessie milked, music pouring out of the parlor.

"Are they gonna come up this way?" Jessie asked, Felix glancing at her.

"Do you want me to take the milk down tonight and you clean the lines?" he asked as they let the last round of goats back out to pasture.

Jessie nodded. "If you wouldn't mind."

"Of course." Felix moved to turn off the line system, the music pounding in the silence that followed the machine as he pulled the lid off, placing the proper lid on. He moved to take the cart out of the parlor, nudging Ingrid the goat out of his way before he headed down the path. The spring sky was clear, the air fresh.

He opened the gate and pulled the cart out, locking the gate as Dallas mozied over, the goat blinking at him. Felix met her gaze, tilting his head to the side before he continued down the path, parking his cart next to the milking room. He propped open the door with a brick, glancing at the inner room before looking out at the others.

The crowd had grown, moving to the gardens for the destination. He heard several vaguely familiar voices and someone laughed, while Piper barked, racing up and down the fence. He slumped his shoulders, opening the second door and began to carry the canisters inside to the metal table. When he brought in all eight, he quickly shut the door to the processing room, standing on the outside.

"Oh, hello!"

He narrowed his eyes when he heard a voice, already wearing the crocs and holding the hairnet in his hand as Hilda stopped outside the door, blinking at him.

"Uh, sorry, I got lost looking for the bathroom?" she said.

Felix sighed. "The door next to this one. Walk through the converted garage, you'll come to the kitchen in the house and take a left. The next hallway you past, you'll want to turn left and then the bathroom will be the door on the left."

Hilda nodded, glancing at him. "So, are you Claude's mysterious fiance?"

Felix pulled the hairnet on, letting out a snort as he picked up a new pair of gloves. "There's also a port-a-potty on the right side of the building."

He pulled on the smock that was hanging on the inside of the door, stepping inside and finding the quiet peace of the processing room. He opened his bulktank, eyeing the empty container before he closed it, turning it on and opened the small hole, placing in the funnel.

When he was finished, he took the empty canisters back to the cart, the crocs already replaced with his muck boots and the smock put up, though he still wore the hairnet.

He paused as another person stared at him, blinking for a moment. The purple haired man narrowed his eyes, tilting his chin towards Felix.

"If you could please point me towards the restroom, that would be delightful."

"Port-a-potty on the right side of the house. How hard is it for Claude to tell people that?" Felix grumbled, taking the two canisters at a time back to the cart.

"Right, thank you."

Felix shook his head, grabbing the next two.

"Do you need help?" the man asked.

"No, please don't touch those. Those are expensive and I can't have them getting ruined." Felix picked up the next two, the man taking a step back and nodding.

"So, the dog you have in the front-"

"Is a livestock guardian dog. He will bite you and _anyone_ else who attempts to get into the bucks' pen. Leave him alone."

"Why would you have such a dangerous creature on this property?"

Felix raised an eyebrow. "Weren't you looking for the restroom?"

The man flushed, turning and heading the way he was directed. Felix finished loading the cart, heading pack up to the parlor. He left the cart outside of the door and brought in the canisters, leaving them outside the cleaning room before he finished cleaning the parlor, his tension easing.

"You know you're still wearing a hairnet, right?" Jessie asked as they finished up, Felix turning the lights off and ensuring that the door was properly closed.

Felix reached up, tugging it off his head. "Right, I am going to change and get ready for this party."

Jessie nodded. "Paul and Ingrid are already down there, though Ingrid mentioned something about going home."

"Right, thank you." Felix walked back down the path, patting the goats along the way. He swung by the kids' houses before he went into the house, shutting the small wooden gate and heading into the first house. He took in the presence of the goats for several minutes, petting them and talking with them before the sound of the gate opening caught his attention. He stood up, a frown on his face as he stepped out of the house, staring the purple haired man down.

"This area is off limits."

"Right, right, are you Felix?" the man asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yeah."

"Well, Claude is looking for you. Do you know you're wearing a hairnet?"

Felix reached up, feeling the hairnet before he pulled it off, shoving it in his pocket. "What does Claude want?"

The man shrugged. "He mentioned he was looking for you and I saw you enter this area. If it's off limits, why are you in here?"

"Why don't you try using a bowl for your next haircut, it might go better." Felix grabbed the man's arm, tugging him out of the kids' area. The bottle stand was put away, his heart warming at the fact that Ingrid and Paul fed the kids first so there wouldn't be people staring at them all night.

"Unhand me!"

Felix let him go once they were by the house, gesturing towards the garden. "Party's that way. You're one of the lawyers, aren't you?"

The man spluttered, his cheeks growing pink in the light. "My name is Lore-"

"Oh, Gloucester! And you must be Felix, Claude's told me next to nothing about you." Hilda appeared at Lorenz's side, flashing Felix a smile. "Oh, you were the nice man that told me where the restroom was! I told Claude that you had manners."

Felix stared at her, grumbling under his breath before he turned, stalking through the intern hangout and into the house.

It was twenty minutes before he was ready, wearing a flannel and some decent pants, though he still wore his muck boots under them. He walked towards the garden, listening to the swell of voices and music, tucking his hands in his pockets.

The crowd was mingling, chatting along the pathways of the garden, everyone holding something in their hands. The tables were lined with food, several bottles of mead uncorked and waiting for a drinker. Felix poured himself a glass, stepping into the crowd.

"-the best mead available! I didn't even know they made this kind!" Hilda's cheery laugh filtered through the air and Felix honed in on it, nodding as he passed by Paul, who was talking to a green haired man that Felix knew as Ignatz.

"Claude."

Claude turned with a smile when he heard Felix's name, extending a hand to take Felix's free hand. "I was wondering when you were going to join us, Fe!"

Felix rolled his eyes. "Please tell me you've been telling people to stay out of the buck pen. Boar is in rut and I haven't had a chance to get him in with Calliope or Bos, yet."

Hilda's eyes grew wide. "You have more animals?"

Claude sighed, looking at Hilda. "I told you that you couldn't pet the big dog."

"But he looks so fluffy!"

"He smells like wet dog and goat musk. It's not pretty and it lingers. Unless you like goat musk. But, don't touch him. He'll bite you before he lets you pet him." Felix's eyes glittered and he took a sip of the mead. "Dryer than I prefer, but this batch isn't that bad."

"Isn't that bad?" Hilda's eyes went wide and she took in a breath. "Do you know how hard it is to get mead from Pointed Horn? They have the best-"

"Thank you."

Hilda shifted, glancing from Felix to Claude. "Claude."

"Hilda."

"Claude."

"Hilda."

" _Claude_." Hilda's voice rose to a whine and she stepped forward. "As your closest and best friend of nearly twenty eight years, why didn't you tell me your fiance made mead? This could give Pointed Horn a run for their-"

"Did you not see the sign on the building?" Felix asked, rolling his eyes. "Over on the farm store."

"I saw the store, eggs, milk, cheese, and knives, of all things. What-"

Hilda whipped her head around, Claude ducking to avoid her hair. She sprinted out of the garden, Felix rolling his eyes.

"The mead isn't that great. There's a better meadery a few states over."

Claude laughed as Hilda reappeared, panting and out of breath. " _CLAUDE!_ , you didn't tell me your fiance-"

"My name is Felix, thank you very much."

"-was the owner of the Pointed Horn! You have the best cheese on the mark- that's why you had spare cheese wheels, Claude! What the hell?" Hilda demanded, stomping her foot.

Felix let out a sigh, settling in to spend the rest of the evening showing interested lawyers, paralegals, and assistants different aspects of the farm and letting some of the still awake kids out to play with all the new people. He lead Jasper around on a lead, impressed that, while Rodrigue had kept the kids for a week, he had managed to teach them to walk on a lead.

And the beautiful admission that Felix was too busy to have actual kids and an inquiry from Rodrigue for Felix to keep Jasper and Garnet on the farm once he had fallen in love with them.

All in all, it wasn't a bad night.

**Author's Note:**

> Some misc info for this AU(I looked up wheel cheese prices for goat cheese and Hot Damn)
> 
> Felix is a fancy Goat farmer and has a flourishing business where he consistently sells out of cheese/milk(it's seasonal). He makes mead on the side when he's not making cheese.
> 
> Main cheeses:  
> Brie - $25 for 5 lbs  
> Bonne Bouche - (4 ounces = 13 dollars) $100 for 2 lbs  
> Garrotxa - $25 for 2 lbs  
> Chevre - $150 for 5 lbs  
> Aged Gouda - $45 for 2 lbs
> 
> 1 Gallon of milk - $20  
> Half Gallon - $12  
> Quart - $8  
> Pint - $6
> 
> Bucks: Lester; Sylvain; Boar;  
> Does: Ingrid; Dallas; Flora; Gloria; Mercy; Annie;
> 
> Felix's best buck is Sylvain. His friends know that he has goats named after them. They all agree that Sylvain is fitting for a buck. He can't even deny it.
> 
> He has mostly alpines and a few dwarf Nigerian goats.
> 
> He makes mead and forges knives and swords during his down time. He built himself a forge on his property.
> 
> Farm hands: Ingrid, Jessie, Paul  
> Wwoofer = World Wide Organization of Farmers. It's really cool! You can do short farming stints in all sorts of different places.  
> Lawyers: Claude, Lysithea, Lorenz, and Hilda  
> Paralegals: ????  
> Assistants: Ignatz, ???


End file.
